Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
