i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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