...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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