He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Green mimosas i think yes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
