what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
