If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
