So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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