we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
