My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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