wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
