the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
