Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
