I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
