Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i will never coherently bang her
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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