his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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