if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
