i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
