You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
