I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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