Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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