Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
