I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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