just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
