My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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