before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
