Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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