btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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