I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
