I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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