My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
