My nipple is on Facebook.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
