Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
