At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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