You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
BRING THE BAGELS
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
