Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
