im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
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if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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