this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
