I accidentally burped into my bong.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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