Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.