Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.