i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha