I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.