As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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