girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
