This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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