What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His nipple licking is glorious
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