We're like a lot better than the average bears
ugly people sure do ruin things
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
