They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
