lets start a swedish sibling band together
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.