i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.