I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.