I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
