I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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