My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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