could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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