If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The uberlube is also flammable
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
