it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize