i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
