i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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