Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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