I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
