You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
