I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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