I just threw up on my dentist
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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